the Wrong Time

between comfort zone and True Self

Do you ever have days where it seems the world is telling you, “Everything you do is wrong”?

When on the journey of self discovery there comes a point of turning, of change and upheaval of your life, where everything you’ve always done you find out is wrong. Or rather you find out you’ve been hurting yourself all along by doing things that you believed to be right, or perceived to be necessary, or just plain didn’t consciously realize you were doing.

Many people shy away (or are in truth downright terrified) of this stage. They avoid it at all costs: a lot of people just avoid introspection altogether. But even some spiritually open-minded people find a ritual and stick with it “religiously”, convincing themselves this is the right path, the Way, and everything will be alright if they do this, that and the other, say these words to this God/Goddess/Spirit. But they never expand from there. They want so badly to be right, they refused to admit there’s anything in themselves to be changed. Sometimes they are even looking for a religion or subculture that allows them to “be who they are,” when really what they’ve been doing all their lives is not who they are, is not their True Self.

But if one allows spiritual and personal introspection, if one braves the Desert of Personal Wrongs, one comes to separate “what I do” from “Who I Am.” in the sense that you can take out your habits and lifestyle and look at individual aspects and say “this thing and that are hurting me (making me physically sick, causing pain, causing emotional upset, keeping me from relating to people, upsetting those I love, hampering my love life, telling myself untruths, etc.). You will find all kinds of problems: like looking around what you thought was a spiritually prosperous house, and realizing how much materialistic clutter you’ve spent your time and money on. There will be physical things: finding out that the dressing you use on your super-healthy salads has corn syrup in it, or that your favorite organic food products are chock full of evaporated cane juice (i.e. sugar). And there will be emotional things: the way you get so angry at your mother is not because of what she thinks of you, but simply how you willfully interpret anything she says as criticism rather than help. There are external things: your trusted news source, thought to be wholly unbiased and truthful, you find puts a slanted spin on every popular story and simply doesn’t report any number of other stories. And there will most definitely be deep internal things: sure the princess can’t sit in her tower and wait, that you know, but even if you ride out on your own strong mare, having the Dark Prince come and sweep you up still ain’t easy: you must awaken your passion within yourself before a passionate man will be drawn to you. Everything comes back to You.

Yes, everyone hates being wrong. Always. And change is hard, especially changing aspects of yourself you have held on to for years, maybe all your life.

But you also come to find that the Universe loves you. We’ve been telling you about all these things you’re doing wrong because We Love You, and we do not want to see you hurting.

It’s like cleaning out a cluttered closet. You take everything out, clean it, sort it, throw out broken and expired things. Then you say “What is this closet for?” Is it a kitchen pantry? A linen closet? A place for tools? Cleaning supplies? Craft and sewing supplies? What is its purpose? What can it allow other closets to hold so that it doesn’t have to be so full that you can’t find anything you need in it?

Take out all the aspects of your life, all your habits, daily practices, perceptions of problem situations, traditional or moral values, even deep-seated beliefs. Scrub them down until you remember where you got them. And then decide A) whether they are actually True, here and now, and relevant, and B) whether they fit into your life, whether they are something your own Ideal You would do or believe. WWYTSD? What would your True Self do?

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I am a writer/illustrator of various types of speculative fiction but mostly modern fantasy. I have loved magic, and the people and creatures who live with it and use it, all my life, and writing and drawing these people in modern environments makes it all the more real to me. I also like to add an element of Darkness and horror, as well as science fiction, for “flavor”. I am fascinated with everything from unicorns and dragons to vampires and demons.

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One comment on “the Wrong Time
  1. It is about courage to face that what was once “true” and doesn’t represent you anymore Rachel. Either you have the guts to thread your unique spiritual path or you just rationalise and stick to the “agreed” path. It is hard to face the integrity of being who you really are, whatever that means to each one of us. It is about courage. Well done Rachel and thanks.

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