Have you ever looked out at the ocean and felt its pull? Not to sail its surface on a ship, but to leave your life behind, trade your humanity for a mermaid’s tail to live forever beneath that surface. Not to go set up house in a coral hut with a pet fish and a kelp lawn. No, the ocean calls you to move with the tides, swim forever on the currents beside sea turtles and whales.
This is how Darkness feels to me when I step outside and hear the cicadas calling, see the fireflies dancing. Like if I could transform into a creature of night, I could ride the wave and the wind of the night for all eternity.
It’s not that I essentially want to be a vampire. I don’t want to drink blood, certainly not sleep in a coffin, and though I’d like to be able to take care of myself should someone attack me, I don’t want to scare everyone away.
But I want to possess the night, feel the essence of it flow freely within me. I want to feel passionate and be able to express that passion to my lover, to enchant and be enchanted.
So many times in my life it’s like I want to be a mermaid, but not give up the land and the trees and mountains. My zodiac sign is Capricorn, and I always insist that the animal is a sea-goat with a fish tail. It’s because I feel one part of me is high upon the mountains of the mind, while the other is deep within the ocean trenches of emotion. And there’s only an awkward mish-mash of fantasy anatomy in between.
Perhaps rather than going full mermaid, one should strive to be a Selkie, a seal-person, who can remove their seal skin and walk the land in humanoid form too. Perhaps one can swim the ocean of Darkness and walk in the daylight too, appreciating both and also giving them both equal justice.